A Harrowing Road…
Peaceful warriors,
What a harrowing road it’s been. Shocking and uncivil political wars, covid, Ukraine and on and on. The inhumanity can feel heartbreaking. How quickly my mind can lob all this unsavoriness into the future, creating even more terrifying images. They feed my powerlessness and panic, ‘til I fear we’re all just nuclear toast.
My fragile victim-self seems to think that worry, fear or anger has power, and it will somehow protect me… It does the opposite. When I allow unchecked mental mania to run the show, to run the show, I’m not adding peace to the world. And I’m no picnic to live with, either.
Quivering at the feet of bad news triggers trauma and old Belief Systems (BS,) and those beliefs create intense fears (worry, anger, overwhelm, despair etc.) If our personal peace is in jeopardy, world peace is on the rocks, too. The work of tending to our own healing, is a gift to a hurting world.
When our fears scatter us all over the planet, mucking in business we cannot control, who is tending our own business? If we can consciously bring our energy back home, back into our heart, we can stay better connected to our soul and to each other.
Love and acceptance is available. Freedom is here. It’s the freedom that Ukraine (and many people) are fighting and praying for. We kinda owe it to those souls in peril to live that freedom. When we bring our attention to our present blessings, it acknowledges the Goodness that prevails. It helps it spread. (Prayer and sending aid can help, too.)
While sequestered during Covid, amidst so much uncertainty, I just stopped writing... ouch. But instead, I found myself returning to my artwork. It gently brought me back to the present. I’m so thankful to my dear friend Masaki who, at the beginning of the pandemic, commissioned a portrait of her 3 dogs - it brought back such joy - one I didn’t know I'd been missing. I’m now busy with pastel pet portraits, and if you’d like to take a look, they’re at my new website, here! Our pets are a miraculous way to remember that unconditional love is possible.
At the core of who we are, there’s a harmony. It can go on hiatus for long periods, but we learn a lot along those detours. I plunged into several dark-nights-of-the-soul in the last few years. One belief that was quietly wreaking havoc was “this world will never change.” I used Byron Katie’s work (which I recommend highly) and I put myself into my judgmental thoughts. “I will never change”…whoa, that felt like a fear I’d been desperately denying!
My mind had been skillfully hoisting blame onto 'the world' instead of dealing with my own terror that, deep down, I might be incapable of lasting change. The mind is such a sneaky mob boss. It suppresses those pesky uncontrollable emotions, and overrides them with false control and power. It thinks throwing blame on others will keep the spotlight off its own (believed) failings. It would rather sit in victimhood than surrender to the truth that what we believe about others is often true about us, as well. Glass houses.
After I acknowledged my feelings, and just let them have the floor (and tissues,) I realized that although change has been slower than I’d hoped, and I’ve gotten stuck in habits and patterns, I have changed. As I allowed the feelings to surface, my calmer higher truths surfaced too. In order to heal, we really have to just let ourselves feel what we feel.
There are dark places in the world. There are dark places in ourselves. The way to make more peace is to root out our BS. Uncomfortable emotions will point us toward the false beliefs, every time. They’re an SOS from the soul to find and free what’s causing the suffering in the first place. We can learn to admit and welcome in the inhumanity that lurks inside us. I’ve wished harm on a few folks over the last years! Hating the haters can seem weirdly righteous. But it makes me a hater, and that isn’t who I am. It isn’t who you are either.
Instead of rejecting our hatred, it’s more humane to welcome it to the inner party. Listen to it’s railing and wailing. Bravely bear witness. Serve some tea and cookies. Give your old sad stories a circle of acceptance. They’ve been through the wringer. Withholding our emotions, just lets the mind dictate heavy judgment on ourselves and everyone else. Tyrants live lonely lives.
Feelings aren’t right or wrong - and they’ll move on as long as they’re acknowledged. They’re like little kids who truly need our comfort, but don’t feel worthy or safe enough to ask. So be their champion and honor their journey. When we stay in the present, with all our feelings and foibles, peace and Oneness (and change) can shine through.
*Spoiler alert* - this is a lifelong effort. Fond as we are of “quick and easy,” there appear to be no short cuts.
During these times of gargantuan change, appreciating simple joys helps us stay sane. Not dallying in the past or future. Right now. This next breath. The markers on my desk. My dog at my side. Peace waits for us in Nature. In our childhood joys. Animals. A good laugh. Flowers blooming. Our beating hearts. The smell of lilacs. Sun on our face. Whatever brings us back to the holy moment - now - can relieve the mental chatter. It is madly reliving past offenses and outer dramas, which only distracts us from the freedom to feel and then to witness life anew.
It can be quite an epic battle to recover our true self - the part of us that can celebrate every roller coaster, every disastrous road we continue to wrangle. The things we've lost. And the soul-self we've won. They make up the whole picture - a strength and humanity that emerges from brokenness.
So take your time. Question the beliefs that bring you pain. Honor the feelings. Enjoy simple pleasures. And where there is judgment and hatred (especially if it’s at your younger self) keep sowing Love. It will help us all grow up and get along.
With lotsa love and ginormous joy,
💝 Julie